BEHEAD HIM
by Myth Queen
Summary: Uther's reaction to finding out about Merlin's magic, plus other revalations. Morgana/Merlin, Arthur/Gwen. *I take no resposability for any loss of mental facilties that readers may experince in response to reading this crackfic. Written pre-Season 3


"BEHEAD HIM!!!" Uther screamed at the top of his lungs.

Arthur winced and covered his ears. "Ow." he complained. "What did he do this time?"

Uther looked at his won, his eyes narrowed and furious. He snapped out his arm to its full length and pointed accusingly at Merlin. "That boy is a wizard!"

Arthur knew better than to laugh at his father, but he couldn't help the small snicker that escaped from his lips. "Merlin? A wizard? Father, I think you got hit on the head as well."

"Don't talk back to me!"

Morgana and Gwen came rushing into the room. Morgana's face was pale and she looked at the three men and then threw her one arm around Arthur and the other around Merlin. Pulling them close, she managed to grab hold of Uther's head and pull him into the embrace as well.

"You're alive!"

"For now." Merlin muttered.

"What happened?" Gwen asked, looking around at the dozen dead bodies with a slightly sick expression.

"A bunch of bad guys swung in and tried to kill me and Dad." Arthur explained airily. "I managed to kill eleven of them before getting hit on the head and going unconscious."

Gwen gasped, putting her hands to her mouth. And then she ripped Arthur from Morgana's concerned hug and put a big one right on his lips.

"Ow." Arthur explained. "Why did you hit me?"

Gwen wielded her fist towards his face. "Don't you ever make me worried like that again." and then she planted a big one right on his lips. A kiss this time.

Uther's eyes nearly popped from his head. "Arthur!"

"Yes, Father?" Arthur said, a dreamy smile on his face as he gazed into Gwen's eyes.

"You just kissed a servant."

"Technically she kissed me. But here," Arthur leaned forward and kissed Gwen, "now I've just kissed a servant."

Uther shook his head, quite dazed, and turned to see what Morgana's reaction to this would be. To his horror... "Morgana!"

Morgana pulled away from Merlin, looking a little put out. "What?"

"You're kissing a servant!"

"No, I'm not. I'm talking to you. Now I'm going to be kissing a servant."

"You go girl!" Gwen said, and she wrapped her arms around Arthur's waist and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Stop!" Uther shuddered. "There's no use getting attached to him, I'm going to have him beheaded."

Morgana's eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"

"He's a wizard. I saw him use magic."

Morgana stepped back from Merlin, staring at him in disgust.

_ Good_. Uther thought.

"Why didn't you tell me!" Morgana shrieked, slapping Merlin across the face. "Here I was freaking out because I thought that I was the only person with magic in Camelot and we could have started a 'secretly magic' club?"

"I wanted to tell you, but the dragon said I shouldn't!"

"Ha!" Uther shouted. "You've been talking to the dragon. You'll get beheaded twice- WHAT DID YOU SAY?" he roared, staring at Morgana with wide eyes aghast.

"I have magic, Uther Pendragon. And if you are going to kill the man I love, then you might as well make it a double beheading!"

"It'll be a triple beheading, but he's the only one to loose his head!" Uther shouted.

"How are you going to chop off my head more than once?"

Arthur, still with his arms around Gwen, stepped forward. "How about we all calm down."

"What exactly happened? What magic did Merlin use?" Gwen asked.

Uther glared at Merlin, but he was uncomfortably aware that it _was_ impossible to chop somebody's head off more than once. "He saved my life."

"What?" Gwen stood up straighter, full of righteous indignation. "You are going to kill somebody who saved your life? He'd have a lot easier time if he'd just let you die! In fact we all would! Morgana and Merlin wouldn't have to hide their magic, Arthur and I wouldn't have to hide our marriage-"

A vien pulsed in Uther's forehead. "WHAT!?"

Arthur gulped. "We were waiting for the best time to tell you, Father. Gwen and I secretly got married two years ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Merlin demanded, pouting. "I'm good at keeping secrets."

"Yes, we can see that, wizard." Arthur said sarcastically. "If we can't trust you to keep your magic hidden to save your own life, how were we supposed to trust you to keep our marriage hidden?"

"But you just found out that I have magic."

"Exactly."

"That's it!" Uther shouted, trying to regain control of the situation. "Merlin's getting his head chopped off, Gwen's getting sent far, far away, and Arthur and Morgana are getting married."

"No!" all four of them shouted.

"You're not chopping off Merlin's head!" Morgana screamed.

"You're not sending my wife away!" Arthur shouted.

"You're not killing Merlin and you're not sending me away." Gwen stated firmly.

"And Morgana is not marrying Arthur!" Merlin said.

Morgana and Arthur looked at each other and shuddered. Gwen glared at Uther. "That too." all three agreed.

"I am the king!"

"I am the future king!"

"Besides," said Gwen, her voice going all soft and happy and a smile going across her face, "Don't you want to meet your grandchild?"

"Grandchild?" Uther repeated.

"Gwen!" Arthur gasped. "Are you-"

Gwen nodded.

Morgana squealed and hugged her maidservant. "Oh Gwen! I'm so happy for you. This is wonderful news!"

"Yippee!" Arthur shouted, doing a jig.

"Congratulations." Merlin exclaimed, grinning like a fool. Out of impulse, he hugged the nearest person.

"Let go of me!" snarled Uther.

"Uh, sorry." Merlin said, backing away. He quickly hugged Morgana instead.

The celebrations stopped short as everybody looked at Uther. His eyes were steely, his jaw clenched tight. The scar about his eye seemed to leap out at them, reminding them all of the battles he had fought and won. All four drew close together, as if that might protect them from his wrath.

"You are a wizard." he spat at Merlin. "You are a sorceress." he said sadly towards Morgana. "My own son marrying without telling me!" he shook his head, looking at Arthur. "And you..." he took a step towards Gwen. Even the dead bodies swallowed nervously. All of a sudden Uther hugged Gwen. "My daughter-in-law. Welcome to the family!" and then he did a jig, sining the 'I'm going to be a Grandpa' song.

"Magic shall be allowed back into the kingdom! I'll send out people to find the druid boy Mordred and you can adopt him, Morgana. Oh, and if you want to marry Merlin, you have my blessing. I'll perform your wedding myself! Oh, and we must contact your half-sister Morgause, she'll want to be your maid of honor..."

* * *

The Great Dragon scratched his head. "That didn't turn out exactly like I thought it would."

* * *

Gregory of Monmouth tickled his nose with his quill. "Happy endings are so boring." he mused. "I know! I'll rewrite it! For started, Morgana and Merlin are worse enemies... she kills him... No! She locks him up in a tree..."


End file.
